TV LIFER LIST: MY TOP 10 “CURRENT” TV HOTTIES (#2)
2. CARRIE HEFFERNAN (THE KING OF QUEENS)
Over the eight seasons THE KING OF QUEENS was on the air, Carrie Heffernan rocked a lot of different looks. The first two years, she was kind of skinny (a bit too skinny for the TV Lifer’s tastes). Then, seasons 3-5, perfection. She filled out, which accentuated the curves that were always there, even at her thinnest. Season 6, she put on a few pounds, but still was delightfully thick. By the last seasons, she pretty much got back to where she was in her TV prime. Through all of that, one thing stayed constant…
Carrie was (is)…eternally hot.
Watch any episode of the show for all the visual evidence you need. But what always sealed the deal for me was Carrie’s ATTITUDE. The street-honed toughness, the dead-on Queens accent (with a touch of Brooklyn in there), the “take off my bling so I can kick your ass” combativeness. Over the years, one could see that Doug Heffernan was…well, scared shitless of her.
And the Lifer LOVES every minute of this. Thankfully, THE KING OF QUEENS is on pretty much any hour of the day in syndication, so I catch Carrie pretty frequently, ifyouknowwhatI’msayin. Fellas, those who really know the Lifer KNOW of my longtime Carrie-fixation. And those same dudes are thinking “I can’t believe Carrie’s only his NUMBER 2 Hottie!!”
Who, then, is bad enough to nudge Carrie down to 2?
You’ll find out soon…until then…exhibit A…
MICHAEL JACKSON: A REMEMBRANCE
Gone too soon.
Who know that one of Michael Jackson’s last significant songs, “Gone Too Soon”, would be the man’s own epitaph? Yet, as the world knows, Michael Joseph Jackson died yesterday, two months shy of his 51st birthday.
Perhaps the way he lived, especially in the last decade and a half, it shouldn’t be that big of a surprise that Michael is gone. I’ll leave discussion of that lurid aspect of his life to others. Today, I’ll choose to remember those times in the 70’s when he and his brothers first burst onto the scene.
Back in the day, any Jackson 5 appearance on TV was an EVENT. When news got out that they would be on a variety show like Sullivan, Mike Douglas, Sonny & Cher, and the others, my family, my cousins’ family, my neighbors…we’d all gather together and watch them. And of course, the vast majority of us only watched Michael. From the very first time I laid eyes on him, even though I was too young to even know what it meant, he was electrifying. Watching performances like this one (the first real sign to me that Michael was soon to depart the group and be a global icon), I’m still amazed, years later.
So, when I think of Michael now, the phrase “gone too soon” means that he left before we could see if he could pull off that second act, after the sheer turmoil that was his last 10 years. Based on what is, sadly, well-documented evidence of a life in total disarray, I couldn’t bet that he’d pull off the now-aborted comeback attempt.
But I wouldn’t have bet against it, either.
Rest in peace, Michael.
FARRAH FAWCETT: A REMEMBRANCE
The news was expected, but sad nonetheless. Farrah Fawcett died this morning after a very long and public battle with anal cancer. She was 62.
Farrah was, of course, the ultimate fantasy figure for millions of adolescent boys in the mid-70’s, thanks to the infamous poster. Believe it or not, I never owned a copy. Don’t get me wrong…Farrah was smoking. It’s just that I preferred Kate Jackson back then. So, if Kate was my number 1, Farrah was right up there…number 2 with a bullet, if you will.
That being said, when I remember Farrah, I think more about her as an enduring TV icon. I think of how she (or rather, her management) forced herself off CHARLIE’S ANGELS for “greener pastures”, only to fade into lame B-movies.
She survived that. Starting with her role in the Emmy-winning movie THE BURNING BED, Farrah proved she was more than a pretty face. Followed that up with other strong “women in jeopardy” roles throughout the late 80’s/earl 90’s.
Then, her loopy, erratic behavior on display on LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN crystallized rumors of a traumatic private life, and we as a nation worried that this would be her undoing.
And she survived that by well, surviving. In the process, she morphed into an ever-more ethereal, even elegant, gracefully aging woman, somehow rising above the turbulence that was still her private life.
And then, three years ago, the first wave of cancer. She survived even that, touching Americans in an all new way as she bravely, publicly…survived.
This time, we all knew that the end was inevitable. But even in death, Farrah survives, on so many levels. Enduring sex symbol. The personification of career re-invention. And in the end, taking on the role of cancer-stricken icon with candor and grace.
That’s how I’ll remember Farrah. May she rest in peace.
TV LIFER LIST: MY TOP 10 “CURRENT” TV HOTTIES (#3)
3. ANGIE LOPEZ (GEORGE LOPEZ)
I’ll admit it…until recently, I kinda slept on GEORGE LOPEZ (the official title of the show, BTW). Even the Lifer has to be selective in what he carves out time to watch, and this five year series, albeit professionally produced, was pretty much standard-issue fare. But I caught a rerun episode a few months back, and…
DAMN! Why didn’t anyone tell me about Angie Lopez? I mean, shows like GEORGE LOPEZ always pair the comic lead with a good-looking woman, but in Angie, it’s been taken to another level. What makes her even sexier on the show (and yes, I’ve caught up BIG TIME on this show!) is the way her hotness catches you by surprise. Most of the time, she downplays herself (while constantly rocking the tight jeans, mind you), but when the situation calls for it, she turns it up, like when she works her charms on the cable guy to get premium channels for free.
Then there are the occasional Halloween episodes (Angie as a lady cop!). Want more visuals? Okay. Watch this. Trust me, just do it, fellas. Then tell me that Angie Lopez is not the total package.
And yet, she’s number 3 on this list. Hmmm…care to venture who could be numbers 2 or 1 for the Lifer? Hit me up in the comments section and stay tuned…
ASK THE TV LIFER!
Have a TV Trivia question that needs an answer? Wanna know why they replaced the first Darrin on BEWITCHED? How about who holds the record for most consecutive Emmys won by a supporting actor? How about why that Kate from JON & KATE PLUS 8 is so damn bitchy these days? Okay, that last one isn’t a trivia Q (and I really don’t have an answer for that), but those other questions, I’m all over it…
Once a week, the TV Lifer will provide the answers you seek…all you gotta do is ASK ME!! That’s what the Comments section is for. So. drop me a Q, and join me here next week for the first OFFICIAL installment of ASK THE TV LIFER!
TV Lifer Trivia O’ The Day, 6/21/09
Happy Birthday, Steve and Elyse Keaton!
More precisely, Happy Birthday to Meredith Baxter and Michael Gross. Yes, they share the same birth date. But that’s not all…
Meredith and Michael were born on the same exact day! Yep, they are both sixty-t…well, they were born in 1947, so you do the math on that.
Damn, they always came across more as brother and sister than lovers on that show. Now we all know why…
Kidding. Once more, Happy Birthday, you two!
OLD SCHOOL REVIEW: ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT
Like a brilliant comet that all too briefly shoots across space once every 86 years or so, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT was a one-of-a-kind comedy, a twisted satire “mockumentary” about a newly-defrocked wealthy family and the earnest son who worked overtime to save them from their dysfunction. Critics loved it, its small (by network standards) but rabid fan base devoured it, and it was showered in awards.
Okay, but was it really any GOOD? I’ll get to the answer next paragraph.
This is the first of the TV Lifer’s OLD SCHOOL REVIEWS. In essence, a revisionist take on a show from TV’s past (can be as recent as, well…ARRESTED’s heyday, or waaay back to I LOVE LUCY).
Back to ARRESTED, and the answer to the question. HELL TO THE YES, it was really good. It all started with the writing, of course. Mitchell Hurwitz and his talented staff took a familiar plot chestnut and turned it on its ear and then some. Michael Bluth, so self-sacrificing and stoic in the face of the whirlwind of comic destruction created by his family, was played to pitch perfection by Jason Bateman, who quite simply revived his career from the dead with this role. And as his sweetly neurotic young son George Michael, we saw a true star emerge in Michael Cera. The chemistry between Bateman and Cera was flawless, and after re-screening the entire series for this Old School Review (the Lifer is dedicated to his vocation, trust!), I especially honed in on the surprisingly high level of poignancy between them.
Every single cast member deserves mention. Will Arnett, pretty much unknown before ARRESTED, burst through the comedy gates with his flamboyant, nimble performance as wayward son Gob. As Lindsay, Michael’s twin sister (or is she?), Portia de Rossi proved that she was more than a pretty face, and breathed nicely-nuanced life into what could have been a one-note character. Similarly, sexuality-confused Tobias Funke could have been rendered rote if not for the spirited, laugh-out-loud antics of David Cross. Tony Hale, as younger brother Buster Bluth, was frenetic and inventive at every turn. Alia Shawkat as Maeby, the object of George Michael’s not-so-secret affections, managed to steal her share of scenes.
These relatively fresh faces had two veteran actors to anchor the waters around them. Jeffrey Tambor, no stranger to classic TV comedy, made George Sr. a tour-de-farce (and equally shone in his dual role as tripped-out twin brother Oscar). And Jessica Walter relished playing Lucille, the mother they all loved to hate. I must mention Henry Winkler as Barry Zuckercorn. If you need any proof that he’s a genius of a comic actor, I implore you to watch any episode he’s in.
I think the series (53 episodes over three seasons) ended at just the right time, as the ongoing storylines took on such an increasingly-surreal complexity, even I nearly lost track of what was going on. Happily, the series finale is a perfect bookend to the very first episode.
With recent news that a big-screen version of ARRESTED is close to being filmed with the entire original cast intact, the show will soon re-enter the zeitgeist. There’s no better time to jump on the wagon than now.
TV Lifer’s rating: 4 remotes
TV LIFER LIST: MY TOP TEN “CURRENT” TV HOTTIES (#4)
4. LOIS GRIFFIN (FAMILY GUY)
Lois Griffin is only a cartoon character…
Like Jessica Rabbit is only a ‘toon.
Hot is hot, be it flesh and blood, hand-drawn, CGI-ed out, whatever. And while she’s not quite as…proportioned as Jessica, Lois is holding up quite nicely, thankyouverymuch. I like to refer to her as TOON MILF.
Peter Griffin, you’re one lucky dude.
As for what it says about the Lifer that Lois is on this list, let alone being my #4 pick…don’t judge. Just enjoy…
'TOON MILF!
TV LIFER RANT: SPEIDI!!!
Speidi, Speidi, Speidi…If you can’t stand the heat, get the hell off TV.
For those of you FORTUNATE enough to not know what “Speidi” is, I’m about to tell you (but don’t shoot the messenger). Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag-Pratt, those reality show “stars” from THE HILLS, and most recently, I’M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUT OF HERE! They’re obtusely obnoxious, with a grossly over-inflated sense of entitlement, coupled with a professed religious belief that crosses the border of “holier-than-thou” more often than not.
After what happened on the TODAY show Monday morning, can we add “intolerance” to the list?
On Monday’s TODAY, Speidi was interviewed by Al Roker about their exit from I’M A CELEBRITY…, and they were subjected to a wholly appropriate Q & A about their behavior on that show. In other words, Al Roker rightly grilled them about their self-serving, outsized brattiness. Speidi did their usual self-righteous song and dance routine, rendering this interview pretty much like all their other interviews, pointless and time-wasting. Only, in comments made after the fact, Speidi threw Al Roker under the bus, saying how humiliating it was that they were demeaned by…wait for it…a WEATHERMAN.
And they didn’t even qualify this insult in the usual way most “intolerant” people would do, like saying “Some of my best friends are weathermen”, or “Why can’t Al Roker be like Spencer Christian? Now he’s one of the GOOD weathermen!”
News flash for you, Speidi. Al Roker has come a long way from being just a “weatherman”. He is an official co-host of TODAY, and interviews people from all walks of life who have more social significance in their fingernails than you have in your whole shared being. He did the most credible job in interviewing you as is humanly possible, meaning he successfully restrained himself from laughing in your face. If you can’t take the fact that a “weatherman” was dispatched to talk to you chuckleheads, like I said before…get off my TV!
Al Roker did respond to your nonsensical complaints on Twitter, saying that you’re on about minute 11 of your 15. I disagree with him. It’s more like minute 14.
Don’t shoot me, Speidi. I’m just the blogger.
TV LIFER LIST: MY TOP 10 “CURRENT” TV HOTTIES (#5)
5. NIKI SANDERS/TRACEY STRAUSS/BARBARA (HEROES)
Now I going to admit that a lot of what happens in HEROES goes over my head, which distresses me to no end, considering that, still being a big comic book fan, I’m used to trying to follow convoluted storylines. Okay, maybe I’m just bored with it.
Wanna know what’s NEVER boring?
Watching Niki…um…Tracey…er…Barbara. It doesn’t matter which is which when you look like her. You know that extra little something that distinguishes one person from others who have the same level or attractiveness, or higher? Well, good old Niki, or Tracey, or Barbara (or whichever new doppleganger the HEROES braintrust may be laying on us next season) has more than something. In fact, she’s got that SOMETHING SOMETHING.
Besides, I get the feeling that she just might be into the brothers…
